Meet the Marriage Killer

Read an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal today that every married couple should read. It deals with one of the more toxic events that can happen in a marriage: nagging. Usually, a person doesn't set out to nag. It is born out of the insecurity of one person and the lack of responsiveness from the other. The two dysfunctions feed each other leading to a bad dynamic within the marriage.

The article does an excellent job of describing why it can become so devastating to a marriage. Nagging can reach a point that arguments focus on the nagging, and the underlying reason is forgotten. Of course, when that happens resolution becomes much more difficult.

Scripture speaks about the issue of nagging.
Proverbs 19:13 "A foolish son is destruction to his father,
And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping."

Proverbs 27:15-16 "A constant dripping on a day of steady rain
And a contentious woman are alike;
He who would restrain her restrains the wind,
And grasps oil with his right hand."

How does a couple short-circuit the issue of nagging within the marriage?

For the person doing the nagging:

• Be careful about your tone
• Cut down on how often you bring up the same issue again
• Figure out why you may be insecure and feel like you must constantly be speaking about an issue 
• Remember, not everyone is organized and driven: somethings can wait

For the person who is being nagged:

• Be responsive to your spouse: take care of the issue or tell them why the issue has not been acted upon
• Don't be so laid back that you let things remain undone, which hurts the spouse who is highly organized
• Even if the tone is not pleasing, be sure to discover the truth and need behind the request

Finally, the words of Ephesians 4:21 are critical for keeping a marriage healthy: "be subject to one another in the fear of Christ."

Psalm 78:1-8

At our pastor's meeting on January 2nd, Rob had a great devotion that reminded me of the responsibility we have as parents. Our culture has descended to the point that no one wants to take responsibility for anything and outsources their tasks to others. Parenting is no different. Parents are letting the schools, television, video games, sports, and other activities raise their children.

Psalm 78 is a great reminder that parents have a great responsibility. Our job is to teach with the view of our children will be passing on the faith to their own children (your grandchildren!) If you want your grandchild to know Christ, then you have to pass the faith on to your children with the encouragement that they teach others.

Of course, Matthew 28 gives every believer that command when we are told to make disciples and "teaching them all things as I have taught you." It is not just a confession of faith that we are passing on. It is God's word, commands, statutes, laws, and his mighty acts upon the earth.

Parents, read Psalm 78:1-8 and take up the job of raising your children.

Do We Really Have Free Will?

Interesting article in the December 2 USA today by Jerry Coyne about why there is no free will. You can click on the title of this posting to be directed to the article.
Dr. Coyne offers a logical explanation for why he believes there is no free will. Taken on its face, he is (mostly) consistent in his thought process and reaches an inevitable conclusion based on his worldview.

But that is the rub: his worldview. His worldview is that of evolutionary biology. Ultimately, we are nothing more than a product of our atoms, chemicals, and environment according to evolution. As much as he says this view of the world does not lead to nihilism, it must. If it is true that we are just chemical reactions and "meat computers" with no free will, then the very words Dr. Coyne wrote have no meaning or significance.

Obviously, I am not sympathetic to his conclusion, but he made a couple of statements that are outright ridiculous based on his conclusions. The idea that we should continue to punish wrongdoers, even though they are not responsible for their actions, is like a computer self-programming itself and saying it had no external influence.

The other ridiculous statement is his last one, "We can go about building a kinder world." That very statement assumes that we have a choice of whether we will build one or not. If we don't have a free will, we can't choose or not choose to build one. His statement either betrays to us what he really thinks, or he is inconsistent in his conclusions about the moral ramifications of his hypothesis.

The Bible does not reach the same conclusion as Dr. Coyne. The Bible tells us that we are sinners by nature and by choice (Genesis 2; Romans 1-3). Despite the doctor's protestations, everyone faces a choice as to whether or not he will accept or reject Christ with the corresponding ramifications of that choice.

Dr. Coyne's assumption is that the world we experience is a "closed system" with no outside influences. We just celebrated Christmas, which is the greatest evidence that we live in an "open system" in which God breaks into our world to change people and circumstances to accomplish his purposes. Our world is not made from chance and random accidents. God has created all that we see and is actively involved in the world he created. As our Creator, God has put in us his image, which includes the ability to choose.