Parenting and the church

I've been thinking about parenting, church ministry, and family ministry a lot lately. One of the things that I have been growing more and more convinced about because I have a daughter of my own, what I experienced this summer, and what I have been reading this summer is that ministry to children/students is by necessity a ministry to parents as well. We will not be very successful making disciples of students if we don’t get the parents involved as well.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 is the command of parents to teach their children to love God. That is their primary responsibility as parents. The structure of the passage indicates that the parent is to be involved in all aspects in the life of their children and teaching them about God. This command is given long before there is a church, so parents are the primary owners of this responsibility.

Ephesians 4:11-12 tells us that God has given the church the responsibility of “equipping the saints for the work of service, to build up the body of Christ.” What this means for church/family ministry is that we equip the parents to do their job of parenting, and we supplement/support the discipleship that the parents are trying to instill into their child/student.

We need to stop farming the job of parenting out to teachers, coaches, etc., and parent our child. Many times those people we entrust our children to hold values that are different from and sometimes contradictory to our values. At the same time, the church needs to step up and support the parents.

Goal for Raising (or is that Rearing?) Children

During my time in Germany and some reading I have done since my return has confirmed an important truth about children/students: parents are the primary disciple makers for their children. Those students whose parents are uninvolved in their spiritual life experience a lot more struggles than those whose parents are actively helping to disciple them.

Steve Wright, in the book A Parent Privilege, makes a great argument that parents must be more involved in their children's life. Steve will be speaking at our parenting conference September 21 and 22. You can find out more about the conference by going to the church website.

Steve makes the following statements that are true and provocative:

"Biblical parenting is more than keeping our kids from having sex, using drugs, or going to jail. It is about fostering an awe of God in our children. It is about showing our children their need for a Savior and introducing them to Jesus who alone can rescue their lives from sin and give life that lasts forever."
 
"I would rather my daughter and sons love Jesus than be straight-A students, scholarship athletes, or class presidents. I want godly kids, not just good ones. That is what makes Christian parenting different than what the world wants for their children. That is the difference between good parenting and godly parenting."

What do you want for your children? What goals do you aspire to help your child achieve? Write them down. Now look at where you spend your time and money and what you encourage/allow your children to participate in. Do they move your children towards the goals you just wrote down?
I would argue that most Christian parents would agree with the two quotes by Steve above, but their calendar and checkbook say their real goals are different. Make sure your actions are lining up with your goals for your children.

Reflections on Germany and Passing of my mom

I wanted to share a few thoughts and reflections I have had because of the mission trip to Germany and the passing of my mom. In many ways, both events are tied together because of the conclusions that I have reached because of both experiences.

1. People really need Jesus. 

The English Camp I was a part of in Germany showed me how hurt, broken and desperate a lot of people are for meaning and significance in their life. Several of the students had been abused or abandoned by the people who should have cared for them. Others are trying to find out who they are and keep looking at the things of the world to numb their pain, help them feel loved, or give their life meaning.

Watching people at my mom's funeral and seeing the difference in how believers and non-believers mourn made it clear that people far from God have no hope. They struggle to make sense of the death of others and are fearful of their own mortality.

The solution to both circumstances is Jesus. Not information about Jesus but a relationship with Jesus. We need to show and tell people that we know and spend time with Jesus on a regular basis and that He makes a difference in our life. It is through a personal relationship with Jesus that we can find peace, comfort, and meaning in life.

2. Children need parents involved in their life

I was stunned at the number of people in Germany who talked about the desperate situation students are experiencing in Germany. Boys and young men have no idea what it means to be a man, and girls and young women are desperate to find love and appreciation for who they are as a person. Only parents can fulfill that role in a child's life. Usually, the only thing the church can do is support the parents to fulfill this role.

3. The Bible can truly change everything

I met with one church leader who told the story about how the evangelical church in Marienburg, Germany started. Some students at the "State" church started reading their Bible, and they noticed in difference in what the Bible said and what their church was doing. They asked their pastor why the church was not following what the Bible said. He "suggested" they go somewhere else to study the Bible.
These students decided to start a church with the help of their parents. They gathered for worship, prayer, and Bible study centered on the Bible. The church is now running over 60 people and does two big camps each summer to reach the lost people of their city.

I had the opportunity to speak at my mom's funeral. I have some important theological differences with the church my parents attend, but we have a common platform on which to discuss issues: the Bible. I could share the need for Christ with others not based on my opinion but on what God says in the Bible. Man's word can be easily refuted, but it is much more difficult to dismiss God's Word. Even if people do dismiss the Bible, God's Word has power and can bring about transformation later on.

4. The need for churches is huge

There are cities of 35,000 to well over 100,000 people that have NO evangelical churches. That means there is no church that is teaching the Bible and reaching out to people to tell them about Jesus being the only way to heaven. This does not even take into account the towns and villages that need churches as well.

My dad's church was amazing in the way they cared for my dad and demonstrated their love of my mom. I may not agree with some of their theology, but every church should have the same level of care and compassion for people as this church demonstrated in Livingston. We must return to truly caring about people and live in light of Jesus' words that the world will know we are His disciples by our love for one another.

5. The need for people who teach truth is desperate

So few people know the truth of God's word anymore, that those who are seeking after truth have no one to speak to and ask questions and be discipled. That group of people in Marienburg I mentioned above went to their "pastor" to ask questions, but he did not want to discuss the Bible. Germany needs people who can come and show them the truth of God's Word and encourage the followers of Christ who are there.

I had the opportunity to preach three times and teach two classes in Germany. People want to speak with people who know and teach the Bible. They soak it up like a sponge and want to know how to apply it to their everyday life.

6. God is raising up an amazing generation of young leaders

I met some of the passionate, theologically solid students and leaders in Germany. These are young men and women who are passionate about telling others about Jesus and teaching others God's Word. They need fellow believers who will encourage them to continue the fight and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with them in carrying the Gospel to others.

7. What we experience today is built upon the foundation laid by others

There is so much history in Germany it is amazing. I could spend months there and not see all the things I would like to see dealing with history of the church, people, and nations. Our faith in the U.S. did not "magically" appear here. The biblical foundation of our churches was passed on to us from our spiritual forefathers in people like Martin Luther, John Calvin, Ulrich Zwingli during the Reformation, While people like Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Paul Schneider, and Corrie Ten Boom provide examples of how to live out our faith in hard times.